The First Relationship to Break: Reclaiming the Self After Trauma

My conversation with Sapha Pardo cracked me wide open. She’s one of those rare souls who speaks straight to your spirit—and then hands you the flashlight to find your way out.

We talked about trauma, yes—but not just the kind that wrecks your life overnight. We went deeper, into the subtle, sneaky kind that disconnects you from yourself. The kind that turns survival mode into your default setting… and leaves you wondering why nothing feels right, even when everything should be fine.

Stick with us to the end. Sapha’s story, and what she’s learned about rebuilding from rock bottom, is something I promise you won’t forget.

Meet Sapha

Sapha Pardo is a Women’s Embodiment and Empowerment Mentor—basically, a guide for women who are ready to stop shrinking and start showing up as the powerful, worthy humans they were always meant to be.

With over a decade of experience helping women reconnect with themselves through emotional mastery, embodiment work, and deep introspection, Sapha helps you go inward—to the place most of us avoid—and find real healing. Her work is tender, fierce, trauma-informed, and rooted in truth.

The Real Deal: My 3 Biggest Takeaways

1. The First Relationship to Break Is the One You Have with You

One of the first things Sapha said was:

“We focus so much on fixing our relationships with other people, but we forget the most important relationship is the one we have with ourselves.”

And let me tell you—I felt that.

For years, I poured everything I had into my marriage, trying to help my husband heal from his childhood trauma. I tried everything.
But in the process, I lost myself.

I thought if I just loved harder, did more, stayed calm, stayed kind… things would finally get better.
But no one ever told me the truth:
You can’t help someone else heal if you’ve abandoned yourself in the process.

This is why I do the work I do now—because I’ve lived this. And I know how to help you come back home to you.

2. Shame Isn’t the Answer. It’s the Problem.

Sapha was so open about her journey with self-hatred, disordered eating, and what it looked like to literally try to disappear. Her vulnerability gave language to something I’ve seen over and over in the women I coach:

“If I just control more, maybe I’ll finally be loved.”

But control isn’t love.
And shame will never bring you safety.

Whether it shows up as people-pleasing, perfectionism, or hyper-independence (hello, high-achievers—I see you), trauma teaches us that being “less” is safer. But the truth? You were never too much. You were never the problem.

What you need is compassion, not criticism. Support, not self-punishment.

3. Healing Starts with One Question: What if there’s more?

When Sapha said this, I got full-body chills:

“Even if you don’t believe it yet, start by asking: What if I deserve more than this?”

Whew.
So many of us never ask that question. We’re too busy surviving, caretaking, avoiding conflict, or keeping the peace. But friend—if you’ve been silently suffering, thinking this is just the way it is, I want you to know…

There is more.
More connection. More peace. More you.

This is what I help women rediscover in my 12-week program: not how to fix their partner—but how to reclaim themselves.

Final Thoughts

I created Love and Trauma: The Real Deal to have real conversations like this. Because trauma is complex. Relationships are messy. And healing? It doesn’t happen in a straight line.

But you’re not broken. You’re not too far gone. And you don’t have to go it alone.

You just have to start asking a different kind of question.

🎥 Watch the full episode with Sapha here:
YouTube

💬 Ready to stop losing yourself in someone else’s healing?
Let’s talk. DM me the word WORKSHOP or click here to book a free call and find out how we can help you come back to you.