How One Wife Found Herself—and Saved Her Marriage in the Process

Heather is a working mom of twins, a wife, and one of the earliest members of my coaching program. Her story is the real deal: from feeling like her marriage was crumbling, to learning how to shift the dynamic, find herself again, and become a quiet force of support for her husband who—like so many—was silently battling the weight of childhood trauma.

Here’s why you need to watch the full episode—and what I want every partner out there to take away from it:

💔 TAKEAWAY #1: Resentment is a warning sign—not the root

Heather didn’t know at first what was wrong. Her husband seemed disconnected, irritable, and withdrawn—meanwhile, she was blaming herself for everything.

“I’d think, maybe I didn’t do enough around the house. Maybe I said something wrong.”

This is SO common. But the truth? The issue wasn’t her. It was unresolved trauma bubbling to the surface after a perfect storm of life stressors.

🛡 TAKEAWAY #2: You can’t fix it—but you can protect your peace

Heather shared how learning to use the phrase, “This isn’t about me,” helped her mentally put up a shield during her husband’s emotional storms. Instead of spiraling with him, she started calmly detaching and staying grounded. That small shift created massive change:

“I’d say, ‘I don’t know what you’re dealing with, but I know this isn’t about me,’ and then I’d walk away and go play with the kids.”

That moment gave me chills—because that’s what support looks like in a trauma-informed relationship. Boundaries, not blame.

🌱 TAKEAWAY #3: You don’t need all the answers—you just need a new approach

Heather never got the full story about her husband’s past. But when she saw a post I shared about signs of trauma in a partner, something clicked.

“Check, check, check,” she said. “I didn’t need to know everything. I just needed to try something different.”

And that something different—learning how to support without fixing, how to step back instead of over-functioning—helped shift everything. Including his willingness to finally go to therapy (which, by the way, he even continued during vacation!).

❤️ FINAL TAKEAWAY: When you start healing, your partner might follow—but even if they don’t… you still rise.

Heather said something I’ll never forget:

“I found myself again.”

Even before her husband got help, her internal transformation began. The guilt started fading. The resentment softened. Her confidence came back. And that shift? It changed everything—not just in their relationship, but in her life.

🎥 Watch the Full Episode Now

If you’re in a marriage where it feels like nothing is working and no one gets it—please watch this episode. Heather’s honesty, strength, and resilience will move you.

👉 Click here to watch the full interview on Love and Trauma: The Real Deal
(Or catch it on YouTube, Facebook, or wherever you stream.)

And if Heather’s story sounds like yours, I want you to know this:

You are not alone.
You are not the problem.
And there is a way through.

—Danielle 💛