From Rocket Scientist to Real Talk: Unpacking the Trauma Behind Reactivity

What if the biggest thing keeping you stuck isn’t laziness, lack of discipline, or not wanting it badly enough? What if it’s unhealed trauma—quietly showing up as perfectionism, overthinking, procrastination, and even reactivity in your relationships?

That’s exactly what I explored in my latest interview with John Mollura.

John’s story is incredible. He lead test operations for NASA (yes, literal rocket science) and was even featured by an award-winning National Geographic photographer on his work. On the outside, it looked like success. But on the inside? He was battling overwhelm, fear, and deep reactivity that spilled over into his work and home life.

He didn’t just break free—he built a science-backed framework to help others do it too.

I wanted to share my 3 biggest takeaways from our conversation, because they’re things I see over and over with the people I coach—and they’re absolutely life-changing when you really take them to heart.

1. Reactivity in relationships is often about something deeper

This was such a powerful moment in our talk. John owned that he wasn’t just “being an a-hole” at work or with his family for no reason. His anger, defensiveness, and reactivity were survival strategies. They were ways of protecting himself, learned in childhood, that no longer served him.

And I want to be really clear here: past trauma isn’t an excuse for bad behavior. But it is an invitation to get curious. Because if you don’t know what’s underneath those reactions, you can’t change them.

If you or your partner struggle with reactivity, don’t just write it off as being mean, stubborn, or impossible. Ask: what’s really going on here? What old fear or hurt might be showing up?

That shift—from blame to curiosity—can be the first step to real change.

2. Overthinking, perfectionism, and procrastination aren’t personal failings—they’re fear responses

John calls these the “big three” that keep so many of us stuck. And honestly? It hit home.

How many times have you beaten yourself up for procrastinating? Or for needing everything to be perfect before you start? Or for thinking something to death instead of taking action?

John reframes all of it as fear. It’s not that you’re lazy or undisciplined. It’s that these are coping mechanisms designed to keep you safe from failure, rejection, or shame.

When you see them for what they are—old strategies for protection—you can drop the judgment. You can start asking better questions. And you can begin choosing something different.

3. Change doesn’t have to be huge to be meaningful

This might be my favorite takeaway of all.

John is big on the idea that real change doesn’t happen in grand gestures. It happens in the small promises we keep to ourselves every single day.

You don’t need to reinvent your entire life overnight. You need to build trust with yourself—little by little. Wake up when you say you will. Make that call. Take the walk. Floss, even!

It’s not glamorous. But that’s how you build confidence. That’s how you gain momentum. And that’s how you start to become the person you actually want to be.

Final Thoughts

If there’s anything I hope you’ll take from my conversation with John, it’s this:

Your patterns have a story behind them.

Reactivity, perfectionism, overthinking, procrastination—they’re not proof you’re broken. They’re signals that something deeper is asking to be seen and healed.

And change? It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to start.

If you’re ready to dig in, get curious, and start making small, meaningful shifts, you’ll find the way forward.

Want to listen to the full interview? You can check it out [CLICK HERE]! And don’t forget to download John’s free “Elite Action Flight Plan” to get his six powerful checkpoints for real, sustainable change.